Top Ten Awards
by ProdigiousGirl
Summary: A large, random ceremony has been put together to honour countries for their achievements. Current Award: Best Bars/Pubs
1. Most Respected Country in the World

Top Ten Awards

A/N: Script is a legitimate form of writing too, dammit. Sorry, but there's really no other format that this would work in…. (I miss the old days…)

A/N: I know I went from the countries having pictures of themselves to not having them but…I wrote this quickly one night while making dinner. I guess you can just pretend there are pictures of them in the background.

Sources: MSN Travel and the 2011 Country Brand Index

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><p>*P'g, the authoress, enters the stage in a flowing, red dress that sparkles*<p>

P'g: Welcome everyone to the Top Ten Awards where we award nations for their achievements! There are a variety of categories such as excellent customer service, best place to work/live and best government! Here to announce the awards for Most Respected County in the World…England and France!

*England and France come on stage in nice "Sunday Best" attire – For France that would include one or two top buttons being undone*

England: Good Evening, everyone.

France: Bonjour!

England: Ok, getting straight to the point – in the number 10 position…Italy!

*Screen shows the Italian brothers in front of the Great Wall of China*

England: *sweatdrops irritated and massages the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed* Ugh…unfortunately the Italy's submitted the wrong picture. We asked for one of them in their own country…not on vacation. Anyway, Italy came in tenth because of food, heritage and culture. The nation didn't score as high as it could have due to recent political scandals and economic troubles.

France: *pushes England aside* Now for number 9…why it's the très bien moi! *squeals like a girl*

England: *rolls his eyes* As if you deserve to be there…you're weaker than a new born kitten and you smell like bad cheese.

France: *glares* Well we'll just see where you place!

England: *smirks and straightens his jacket* Well clearly I'm number one…as befitting a British Gentleman.

France: British Gentleman my foot…you weren't so gentlemanly when you invaded Ireland and stepped all over him, forcing him to submit or else! But I digress…this is about moi! Let's see, I'm nombre neuf because…I have the Eiffel Tower, baguettes, cheese and beyond luxurious wine. In fact the Eiffel Tower is the most-visited paid-admission monument in the world. Take _that_ Tower of London!

England: *smirks looking rather desperate* To bad your people have no political freedom! Everyone knows you hate Muslims!

France: *gets in England's face* AND YOU HATE GYPSIES!

*They glare at each other harshly in a stare down. England breaks away, "I have no time for this rubbish!"*

England: Ranked 8th is Finland.

"Random" Voice in Crowd: Hurraa!

France: Finland is eight because…because…quite frankly I don't know why…

England: Candidate factors are supposed to include awareness, familiarity and preference…Finland usually ranks low in those categories.

"Random" Voice again: Awww…

England: But apparently…Finland is very smart so…I guess that's why he's here. He submitted more scientific papers in 2005 than I did.

France: *snicker*

England: Shut up, France! He submitted more than you too!

France: Yeah, but unlike you I take pride in culture not brains. *Turning to audience while grasping at the announcers podium* With Finland in 8th it's only befitting that his significant other be 7th!

"Random" Voice again: I'm not his wife!

England: Now Sweden's place is not surprising – it's a well-to-do country that many people would like to live in. They're first in a variety of categories including: Political freedom, tolerance, environmental friendliness, safety, healthcare, education, and quality of life…Geez, if this is the case why isn't he first?

France: Probably because people are getting bored with the tacky IKEA look. Oh well, at least he has H&M to fall back on.

England: Coming in at number 6 is…someone I'd rather not mention.

France: *Looks at card Tehehehe…

England: *Pulls card away* Get out of here you frog! *Sigh* Ugh…number six is…America.

America: *In the crowd* WHOOOOOOOOO! We did it! *runs up on stage and collects trophy* I wanna thank myself for-

England: *Grabs trophy away* What the bloody hell are you doing, you damn yank!

America: *Frowns* But you called my name…so I won….

England: *Ignoring France's giggling* No you git! You're sixth! You didn't win anything!

America: *Blinks* Uh…wait a sec…sixth? I'm pretty sure you mean first…I AM the hero after all. The hero always wins!

England: Well you didn't so please take you seat.

America: *Frowns again* But this doesn't make any sense. How am I not number one?

France: *Takes card from England* Well let's see…says here you're a friendly, party guy that people like to visit. Modern, forward-thinking with nice, natural scenery and great shopping.

America: That's all good stuff.

France: It says you continue to slip-

America: Wait…_continue_!

France: That's what it says…you continue to slip because of socio-political problems and a troubled economy.

England: Now would you get off the damn stage!

*America shrugs and exits the stage*

France: At number five is another former British Colony…Australia.

England: Australia ranked 5th because it's English – naturally – and exotic. Australia has become a mastermind in tourism as of late and uses his stereotypical 'sunshine 24/7' weather to attract both people and positive attention.

France: *Glares* I highly doubt being English has anything to do with it! *Takes next card* In fourth is…Japan (and NOT England!)

England: *Glares back* I told you, I'm number one.

France: Ha! We'll see about that, Rosbif! Japan is fourth because of tourism and business investments.

England: Well, I guess the tsunami didn't do as much damage to him as he thought it would. In fact, it seems to have helped him in public sympathy.

France: Like the Chilean miners. But Japan also is also well developed and has a unique atmosphere in comparison to other Asian nations. Modern but traditional.

England: Congratulations Japan…now for the top three!

France: The 3rd runner up, who will join us on stage, is…New Zealand!

England: *Smirks at France* Well, what a surprise…another former British colony.

France: Oui. But I still have not seen you on this list.

New Zealand: *Comes on stage to get 3rd place badge*Aw thanks guys! It's nice to know I'm gaining a good reputation…all thanks to great scenery, dairy products and Lord of the Rings. *Nods* Yup, Lord of the Rings.

France & England: *Sweatdrop*

England: Well…okay…give it up for Aust- I mean…New Zealand everyone!

New Zealand: *Shoots England a look and heads back down to his seat*

France: In second place is…

Together: *Shocked* SWITZERLAND!

France: Well I guess that _kind of_ makes sense. He does have awesome trains, scenery, skiing and festivals.

England: It's also a place people ranked high on the 'I'd like to live there' list. AND he started the Red Cross.

Switzerland: *Comes on stage* Give me my trophy.

*England hands him 2nd place trophy*

Switzerland: Thank you…goodbye. *Exits stage all stiff*

France: *Sarcastically* Well gee, that was a heart-warming presentation. *Ducks as bullets fly past him*

England: And now it's time for number one… *Smiles* Thank you everyone for voting me –

France: Hang on! *Reads card* WHAT! REALLY!

England: Of course it's me!

France: No, look!

*They look at the card in shock together*

England & France: The winner of the Most Respected Country in the World is…CANADA!

*The video screen behind the two show Canada in his seat in the crowd. The audience applauds casually- some not sure who they're even applauding for – as Canada shifts his eyes and smiles nervously*

Canada: *Makes his way to the stage passing a variety of nations*

America: *Jumps up* WTF guys! Canada gets number one! We're practically the same! How does he get first and I get sixth!

Canada: *Glares at America* We're not the same at all! We're VERY different! *Goes on stage*

France: *Smirks*Not only is it NOT you, but it's a fellow French nation!

England: *Snarls* He's English too! And the English population is higher than the French!

France: *Gets in England's face* Well the French were there first!

Canada: *Sweatdrop* The natives were there first actually but…anyway… Thanks again to everyone who voted me first for the second year in a row.

England: WHAT! *Looks at last year's results – as a paper with them is conveniently sitting on the podium* Blimey, you're right!

France: *Winks* Well of course Canada is number one…look at all those amazing _Canadien_ athletes. They rocked the winter Olympics!

England: Oh yeah! What about their stellar political system…which, by the way, was established by _me_! Not to mention a strong sense of tolerance.

France: *Mocks* Right…because you're _real_ tolerant. That's why you kicked out the Acadians from east Canada for doing nothing at all, vrai?

Canada: *Frowns* Um guys…there's really no need for this, eh?

France & England: *At each other* His country is a lot prettier and he's nicer than you'll ever be!

Canada: …I'll just…take my trophy now. *Picks up trophy*

P'g: *Runs out and glomps Canada before he can fully exit the stage* That's it guys! If I see more Top Ten lists – which I'm sure I will – and feel like writing I'll add another chapter. Good Night!

*Everyone exits the auditorium leaving only South Korea*

South Korea: *To no one in particular* I like Canada because he's funny…did you know Korea invented humour? Oh Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…

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><p>AN: If the script is really that big of a deal, I'll take it down...


	2. Safest Country in the World

Top Ten Awards

Chapter Two:

P'g: And we're back. To those of you who pointed out this is against the rules…all I can say is... I already kinda hinted that in the first chapter. However, Q&A's as well as sexually explicit material is also forbidden on here. Now take a guess as to how much smut there is on this site and how many Hetalia Q&A's there are…go on…guess…. Also, don't post that it's against the rules when I wrote that I'm aware of it…it doesn't make you look knowledgeable, it makes you look stupid. Sorry I had to be so harsh...

Sources: Sympatico Canada, TripAtlas and the Global Peace Index.

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><p>*P'g is still wearing that awesome red, sparkly dress*<p>

P'g: Congratulations Canada! Truly the most beloved country on earth! Now, we look to Germany and Italy who will introduce our next category: Top Ten Safest Nations in the World.

*Germany and Italy come out. Germany looks stiff and un-amused while Italy is smiling, waving, and blowing kisses to the crowd. They reach the podium.*

Italy: Look at all the girls, Germany! There's a cute girl there! And one over there! And another one over there! And another one over th-

Germany: Yes, yes, I see them. Now…let's get into the countdown so I can get offstage.

Italy: I'm sure you'll be number one, Germany! I always feel safe your house!

Germany: Number Ten – Slovenia.

Italy: …who's that?

Germany: How do you not know? He's one of your neighbours.

Italy: OH! …well…um… Number Nine! Finland!

Finland: Oh boy! I'm on another nice list!

Sweden: That's wonderful wife.

Finland: I keep telling you…I'm not your wife!

Germany: Let's keep it rolling people. Number Eight – Canada.

America: BWA HA HA HA HA HA! Serves you right, Canada! You can't be number one at all the nice things!

Canada: *glares at America in his seat* Yeah…we'll just see where you place.

America: I'm gunna be number one.

Canada: *rolls eyes* Didn't you say that last time?

Italy: Hmmm…it says Canada is on the list because he appreciates multiculturalism, human rights and tolerance. It also says he has low levels of crime…BUT HAS ACCESS TO MINOR WEAPONS OF DISTRUCTION!

America: *jumps up and points a finger at Canada* I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WERE A TERRORIST!

Canada: *sighs* I'm not a terrorist you idiot…those "weapons of minor destruction" are guns that YOU keep smuggling into my country…and the uranium that I've been sending YOU for YOUR weapons.

America: *shifty eyes* …of course…

Italy: It also says Canada could be a target because of his participation in the Afghan W-

Canada: FORCED participation…

Italy: …in the Afghan War and his strong ties to America and England.

Canada: *sighs again* No surprise…thanks to those two I look a lot more dangerous than I actually am…

Germany: On to Number Seven – Japan.

Italy: YAY JAPAN!

Germany: Japan is on the list because of low crime and strict gun laws. Apparently robbery is almost non-extant.

Italy: In spot Number Six – Sweden.

Sweden: I have joined you wife.

Finland: …oh… *is giving up*

Germany: Number Five - …Austria…

Italy: How nice! He's like…you're third best friend, after me and Japan.

Germany: *mutters* Not really…

Austria: I CAN HEAR YOU.

Germany: *grumbles to self*

Italy: Ok, Number Four – Iceland.

Iceland: *smiles* Maybe this will encourage more people to visit.

Puffin: PSSSSSSSSSSSSSAH! IF PEOPLE COME TO VISIT IT'S CLEARLY BECAUSE I'M BITCHIN'!

Iceland: Shut up. Why can't you be quiet?

Puffin: WHY SHOULD I BE!

Iceland: *swats Puffin away*

Puffin: PPPPPPPPPPPPPUUUUUUUUUUUUUNK! *falls over*

Italy: Iceland is fourth because of low crime levels and huge respect for human rights!

Germany: Third is Norway.

Norway: …Hmmmm…

Italy: Second! It's Denmark.

Denmark: HEY NORWAY! I'M ON THE LIST TOO!

Germany: It's because of strong gender equality standards and low levels of homicide and violent crimes.

Italy: The last one HAS to be you, Germany!

Germany: …Yeah…we'll see.

Italy: The safest country in the world is…GERMANY!

Germany: *sighs* No, it's New Zealand.

New Zealand: Oh wow! Thanks everyone!

Italy: How could it not be you, Germany!

America: Forget Germany, how the hell could it not be me! I love human rights!

England: *rolls eyes* Says the country who considers companies to be people…

France: You know, neither of us were on that list.

England: They should do a list of "smartest" countries. I'd surely be number one on that.

France: And I'd be number one on most beautiful countries!

Germany: SHUT UP! New Zealand is number one because of his lack of hostility towards foreigners and lack of political instability. Also because of his high respect for human rights and lack of internal conflict.

Italy: I can't believe you weren't on this Germany…

Germany: It really doesn't matter, Italy. The list is over, let's get offstage now.

Italy: OK! *cheerfully follows*

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><p>AN: Nowhere near as fun as the last one. I just typed it up quickly when I saw the list.

If it continues, it continues. If it doesn't, it doesn't.


	3. Friendliest Country in the World

Chapter Three:

A/N: Don't worry Tigherlily99, I'm making my way towards the military list…but I couldn't resist this one when I saw it!

Source: MSN Travel Canada and Forbes

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><p>P'g: *same flowing dress, yadda yadda* Ah~ Now that we know what the safest countries are it's time to find out what the most welcoming countries are! Here to count them down are the world's greatest vitriolic best friends – Canada and America!<p>

*Canada and America come on stage smiling and waving. They stop at the podium…*

America: Awesome dudes! Let's start the countdown!

Canada: At number ten…

America: Psh, no one cares about number 10…okay, number nine…a nobody…number eight…

Canada: America!

America: What!

Canada: You can't just speed through the whole thing!

America: *rolls eyes* Whatever. In at number seven is…BWA HA HA HA HA! THIS guy!

Canada: *grabs paper* Number seven is…the United Kingdom.

America: If he's number seven then I'm DEFINITELY number one!

England: SHUT UP YOU DAMN YANK!

Canada: Expats say it's easy to integrate –

America: If it's so great to live there then why are they ex-pats?

Canada: Well it says they're moving of a troubled economy and a high cost of living.

America: Ah…well…I don't have that.

Canada: …economy?

America: …Shut up.

Canada: At number six…Turkey!

America: Eh!

Greece: NO! YOU…LIE! …cat…

Canada: Yeah, it says there that the people are incredibly nice, but worried about natural disasters.

America: At number five…MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Canada: You finally made it on a list.

America: I was on the first list, stupid.

Canada: *glares* Let me revise then…you finally made it in the top five of a list.

America: Didn't I tell you to shut up a while ago?

Canada: *sigh* You're so rude; I don't know how you got onto this list at all.

America: 'Eff you, I'm awesome! I'm totally nice. That's why I'm the best freakin' country in the world!

Canada: Why do you think you're on this list?

America: Because I'm a hero, duh! I bring democracy and capitalism to everyone! Who doesn't love democracy and capitalism!

Canada: They say your people make good wages (which I find hard to believe reading the New York Times) but say the school and healthcare systems are confusing and irritable.

America: Maybe they don't understand them because they're stupid.

Canada: *sighs* Yes America, everyone is stupid but you.

America: Finally…thank you.

Canada: *grumbles* Whatever… number four is…me.

America: HUH! Seriously! I was expecting you to be number one.

Canada: *blinks* Honestly…so was I…

America: AH – HAHAHAHA! I guess you've got some work to do!

Canada: Most people who relocate to my country say they enjoy my living conditions and 39% want to stay here permanently.

America: Psh…how is living in an igloo a "good living condition"?

Canada: We don't live in igloos…

America: And I don't speak English.

Canada: I thought you spoke "American".

America: …touché…

Canada: Do you even know what that means?

America: …NUMBER THREE IS…South Africa!

Canada: I think that's one of the few places I haven't been…

America: Yeah, you've been a lot of places.

Canada: It says that nearly 80% of people who moved here integrated well and close to 50% say they have more access to luxuries while almost 70% say they have more disposable income.

America: …what does any of this have to do with friendliness?

Canada: …Hmmm…good question. I think it's "friendliness" in terms of…social and financial mobility?

America: HAHAHA…money can't drive cars…

Canada: Yeah…okay…number two is…my good friend and 'cousin', Australia!

America: AUSSIE, AUSSIE, AUSSIE! OI OI OI!

Australia: *throws a bottle of water at America* ONLY I CAN SAY THAT! *shakes fist from crowd*

Canada: …so the crowd is finally getting active again…

England: Sorry but you were boring us and America was annoying us.

France: *waves to Canada* You don't bore me my petit moi! *says quietly to self* Well…maybe sometimes…

Canada: *trying to ignore France* 87% of people who move their said they felt welcome by the community and at work. Australia is seen to have a strong economy right now and is a great place to raise kids.

America: *points and laughs at Canada* You're not longer the poster boy for the "great British Empire country community…thing…."

Canada: I have no idea what you're talking about…moving on…

America: Number one is…New Zealand!

NZ: ^_^ I'm number one again! Hurray!

Canada: That's twice now…

America: The FACK!

Canada: Stop making up words…

America: Shut up.

Canada: Congratulations New Zealand! You're number one because 75% of people say they feel like they fit in and more than 50% said they would return either to live or to visit.

America: Well! That's it everyone!

Canada: We've got more like…top ten happiest countries.

America: And saddest ones!

Canada: Why would we do a sad country list?

America: I bet English is on it.

England: Naff of you damn you Yank! If you don't shut your mouth I'll come up there and –

America: *ignoring England's threats* OH! And the world's best militaries!

Canada: *rolls eyes* You just want to do that one because you're most likely to be number one.

America: Hahahaha…damn straight.

P'g: *throws her arms around them both* OKAY GUYS! Thanks a bunch! The chapter is over! More to come soon!

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><p>Yup, another random chapter. Hope you liked it. Through it together today...<p> 


	4. World's Worst Tourist

Top Ten Awards – Chapter Four: World's Worst Tourists!

A/N: XD Too many good lists are showing up! Must. Do. Them. I still have to get to the military one…geez. I keep promising it but I just don't have the time to actually find one. I'd like an up-to-date one though.

Sources: MSN Travel & LivingSocial

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><p>P'g: *has finally changed her dress from sparkly red to sparkly silver* And now for the next category – World's Worst Tourist – I present to you: Poland and Lithuania!<p>

*Poland and Lithuania come out waving. Poland is blowing kisses to everyone while Lithuania tries to avoid Russia's gaze*

Poland: Okay everybody! I'm like totally ready for this, are you Liet?

Lithuania: Yes, Poland, I am.

Poland: Well good. Like, the first person on our countdown of Worst Tourist is: Spain!

Spain: *in his seat* XD Hahahaha, that wasn't expected, but okay, I'll work on that. Thanks guys.

Lithuania: …I wasn't expecting him to take it that well…

Poland: *talking over Liet* Well okay, good for you! Number nine on the list is: South Korea!

Korea: DAZE! Korea is SO not a bad tourist! Korea is an awesome tourist! Korea invented tourism, did you know that! We also invented the airplane - *America freaks out and protests* - and the tour bus and the itinerary and hotels and - *keeps going on and on and on while America continues to protest*…

Lithuania: …Uh…so…number eight is…well…he…uh… *stares frightened of Russia*.

Poland: Like, OMG Liet, grow a pair would you. Number eight is totally Russia.

Russia: *glows a dangerous purple* Why am I number eight? Everyone loves to see me.

Poland: Pssssssssssh, no they don't.

Lithuania: P-P-Poland…

Poland: If Russia ever visits my house I will be forced to make Warsaw his capital!

Russia: *"innocent" but evil grin* So this means you'll become one with me, da?

Poland: Psssssssssh, hell no.

Lithuania: C-c-can we j-just…move on…please.

Poland: No, I'm not done taunting him yet…

Lithuania: Poland!

Latvia: …I guess it would be poetic justice if someone forced Mr. Russia into _their_ house…

Estonia: LAAAATVIIIIAAAA!

Lithuania: Shhhhh, quiet you guys!

Poland: *rolls eyes* Okay, I'm like, getting bored now. Lithuania you do the next one, okay?

Lithuania: Right, so…the next one…um… *shuffles through papers* Number seven is…oh…it's a tie. So…I guess they share seventh AND sixths. The two sharing the spot are: Mr. India and –

Australia: NO SURPRISE MATE! They keep visitin' my house and won't go away! They just keep coming! It's crazy!

Lithuania: Mr. India and…Mr. Japan?

*Crickets chirp*

America: *now no longer complaining about Korea* Well…I guess that makes sense. I mean, every time Japan comes over he's gotta throw that stupid camera in my face. Don't get me wrong, I love my picture being taken but not everyone likes that.

England: Now that you mention it…he acts almost TOO much like a tourist…very stereotypical…

France: *nods* That can be rather annoying sometimes.

Veneziano: I like Japan…

Romano: You like everyone…you'd have to, to be able to tolerate that potato bastard.

Veneziano: Germany is really, really nice! I don't know why you hate him so much. I bet Germany isn't on this list!

Romano: *rolls eyes* Yeah, we'll see.

Lithuania: Coming in at number five is Mr. China.

China: AIYA! How I am worst in world!

Canada: *quietly to self* Not worst, but pretty close….

Australia: Argh! There's another I can't stand! You don't like 'em either, eh Canada!

Canada: *Caught on the spot* Oh…um…well…My boss is trying to cozy up with them a lot…

Australia: So you don't like 'em because your boss does or you just don't like 'em?

Canada: …*tilts arms* A little bit of column A…a little bit of column B…

Poland: Okay, like, continuing guys… Tied for thirds is…HAHAHAHA…no surprise! Oh man, someone get me a bucket, I think I might piss myself…

Lithuania: *sighs* I really wish you'd be more careful about your…words…

Poland: Oh my god, Liet, get this…Number three is France!

France: *shocked* C'est-que c'est!

England: Ba hahahahaha! Poland's right, no surprise! Nobody wants that damn frog visiting their home!

Poland: Oh but get this…tied with him is...ENGLAND!

England: hahaha- WHAT! You're joking!

Poland: No way, man. It's right here on the paper! You guys are totally tied!

England: Rubbish! Absolute rubbish! I demand to know who wrote this survey!

America: XD Your mom!

France: XD Hahahaha, not so much of a gentleman now are you, Angleterre? Welcome to the league of the French.

England: NO! I will not be dragged down by you!

France: XD *insert creepy French laugh here*

Poland: Yeah, but the best is yet to come, guys! Number two, who I think should be number one but whatever, is: GERMANY!

Romano: YES! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU ALL!

Veneziano: What! That can't be!

Romano: YEAH! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW! *continues to taunt N. Italy*

England & France together: I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THAT!

America: *blinks* I don't see what's wrong with him…

Canada: I don't mind when he comes to my house but…I can't say I enjoy his company when I'm visiting my friends in the Caribbean…he always butts in front of me at the bar…

Germany: *sighs trying to control his migraine while tuning everyone out*

Poland: Oh my god, Liet! You're so slow! Do number one now!

Lithuania: …Where'd that come from? …Geez. Ok, number one is…oh…I don't really want to say.

Poland: Hurry up and say it you wuss.

Lithuania: That's not a nice thing to say…

Poland: Just say it, I like, totally have to get going, I've got a pedicure appointment coming up.

Lithuania: …ooohh…I hope he isn't upset with me. Number one is…Mr. America.

America: MEEEEEEEEE? WHAT THE F-CK?

Lithuania: According to the survey…Mr. Canada hates you the most…

America: *looks over and stares at Canada*

Canada: *shifty eyes* Oh…uh…well…

America: *sad face* Dude…you serious? You don't when I visit?

Canada: It's not that it's just…you know…when you visit…we always have to do what you want, and you eat all the food out of my fridge and leave nothing in there and you wandering around my house farting all day and you steal stuff from my house and never give it back and you criticize my baseball and basketball teams and you ignore all my historical sites and you - *keeps going on and on and on*

America: …Can I just, like…go now?

England: Let's all go…

*Everyone leaves as Canada continues to rant*

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><p>End Note: Poland is SERIOUSLY not kidding. The French and English (British more accurately) are tied for 3rd in World's Worst Tourists.<p>

Also, I have a least ONE more survey that I've got saved to do so you can expect AT LEAST one more chapter. Hopefully it'll be done soon. Thanks for reading!


	5. World's Fattest Countries

Top Ten Awards – Chapter Five: World's Fattest Countries

A/N: This is one of those topics we all knew was coming but never actually saw it coming. I think I still have one more list on the back burner that needs to be written but I don't know… (That's in addition to the military one I keep promising but seriously, I'm not going to go out looking for one. I have very little time for that. I normally just write these down quickly whenever I encounter a list.)

Enjoy!

Sources: MSN Travel & Organisation of Economic and Co-operative Development

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><p>P'g: (comes out yet again in the same wonderful dress of whatever she was wearing before) Thank you so much everyone for your continued support! Now for the next list: World's Most Obese Nations. To present to you the award is Switzerland and his sister Lichtenstein.<p>

Switzerland: (Walks out on stage) Yeah. Thanks.

Lich: She said my name right!

Switzerland: Okay, I'm seriously busy right now so we're going to fly through this. I'm serious. If anyone talks I'll put a bullet through there –

Lich: (cuts in quickly) Um…number 10 is…Mr. Korea.

Korea: (in seat) Of course it's me! I invented being overweight!

England: (sigh) Is that something you really want to advertise?

Japan: (frowns) Truly a sad day for Asians. You should have more discipline.

China: (sighs in defeat) I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually agree.

Switzerland: Be silent! Number nine is me. Number eight –

America: O.o Dude, did he just say himself?

Switzerland: - is Italy.

Germany: (sigh) No surprise…he's always eating pasta. (Looks over at Italy)

Italy: (Is eating Pasta)

Germany: (sigh)

Lich: Oh, number seven is Mr. France.

France: Qu'est-ce que c'est! Moi!

England: (laughs) HA! Well you are starting to look a little on the chubby side.

France: (jumps on England who's sitting a row behind him and over a little) I'll show you chubby!

Switzerland: NO FIGHTING! (Shoots at them until they stop tussling with each other) Now, number six. This goes to Spain.

Spain: (shrugs) Whatever, I'm fine with myself. I just need to get a better night's sleep and remember to eat breakfast.

Switzerland: Number five is Ireland.

England: (glare at North Ireland) it's all that beer.

N.I.: (glares back) Who said it was me? Maybe it's Republic Ireland.

R.I.: What! You gunna pin this on me now!

N.I.: Maybe I am! Whatcha gunna do about it?

R.I.: (puts up dukes) I guess we'll have to sort this out then. The old fashion way.

Switzerland: HEY! NO FIGHTING! (Shoots in their direction too)

Lich: Number four is Mr. ….um…

Switzerland: (Looks at paper) Canada.

America: (bursts out laughing) WHO'S FAT NOW, CANADA!

Canada: (glares at America) You're still fatter than I am.

Switzerland: DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE. Number three is Hungary.

Hungary: ME?

Prussia: Well I have noticed a couple of love handles kesesesese…

Hungary: (whacks him with frying pan) Who do you think you are?

Prussia: (falls over onto Austria)

Austria: (looks at Prussia with disguist) Ugh, could you be more careful where you're landing you dolt.

Hungary: (saddened) Oh Mr. Austria! I'm so sorry! This is my fault!

Austria: (still annoyed – rubbing the temple on his head) Yes well…be more careful next time.

Switzerland: Number two is England.

England: (making that freaked out WTF face that he makes – you know the one where his pupils disappear and blah, blah blah) WHAT!

France: Oooooooh, you're fatter than I am, mon ami!

England: SHUT UP YOU DAMN FROG!

Wales: (Who is here for no apparent reason) Well (sweatdrop) at least we're going to the source. You know, cutting down calories in the stuff we eat.

America: No more fish and chips for you, dude!

England: (glares heavily at America) Speaking of which, (turns back to the stage) Switzerland, who is the world's fattest country.

Switzerland: America.

America: (annoyed) F- you dude! F- all of you!

Canada: (grins at America)

America: (glares back) Especially you.

P'g: (trots back on stage) Well there you have it! Another exciting chapter. I'm cutting in before this gets ugly…

England: (rolls up sleeves) Oh no, it's still going to get ugly…

P'g: (slowly creeps backwards) Until next time…

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><p>Note: In regards to Spain's response his government really is encouraging these measurements to reduce obesity.<p>

Note2: In regards to the Irelands…I'll let you interpret to yourself if you think they're male or female. Bwa ha ha ha…one of my stories reveals how I see it but I'll never tell.

XD Well, there we go. Sorry that it's so short but hey...I've got very little time right now. Hope you enjoyed it!


	6. Fastest Dying Countries

Top Ten Awards – Chapter Six: World's Fastest Dying Countries

A/N: …When I first saw this list I was like "Whaaaaaaat?" but then I read the description… Also "dying" means the death rate is higher than the birth rate so the national population is not being replenished.

Sources: MSN Travel Canada & Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development, 2009.

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><p>P'g: (Comes out, who cares what she's wearing) Hey everyone! New list, new hosts…I think, I haven't been paying attention to who's giving them…I just go in the back and watch hockey games. Now here's two of our favourite old timers: Rome and Germania!<p>

(Rome and Germania come on stage. Rome is skipping happily and Germania is looking less than pleased)

Rome: Oh _salvete_ everyone! That's Latin for hello!

Germania: (nods to everyone) Hey.

Rome: Okay so…Germania and I were brought in to do this because that other guy…the Albino one insisted he wasn't "dead". But whatever, it's his loss! Now I get to see my grandsons (waves at Ita and Romano like an over-excited schoolgirl) and give advice to nations who are disappearing.

Germania: Let's just do the list before you get distracted.

Rome: By what? What could possibly distract me fro- OOH! Pretty girl! Hey pretty girl, do you want to see my bedroom? It's a nice bedroom.

Germania: (sigh) Number ten is…Italy.

Rome: (giant grin) Hey those are my grandsons…WAIT WHAT! No, no, not again!

(Meanwhile in the audience)

Italy: OH NO! Romano we're dying! GERMANY! GERMANY! SAVE US!

Romano: You idiot! That stupid potato bastard can't do anything to save us!

Germany: (sigh) Actually, he's right.

Italy: NO! NO! I don't wanna die! Don't kill me! I surrender! (Waves flag)

Japan: (frowns) Why are you waving a white flag? No one is attacking you. You just need to encourage your people to have bigger families…if they want…for honour.

Italy: (stops crying) Really? That's it? I can do that!

(Back on stage)

Rome: At least they're not number one, right? Think positively! Now number nine – the Slovak Republic.

America: (in crowd to Canada) Who?

Canada: (glares) That's not funny.

America: I wasn't talking about you, dude, I was talking about the Slovak guy. I'm sure I've heard of him but…

Canada: He's produced a lot of hockey players.

America: Like…

Canada: Um…Richard Zednik, Peter Stastny, Pavol Demitra– he's the one who died in the Russian plane accident.

America: Oh right…

Rome: You can tell he's getting old too…look at all those thousand year old castles…sheesh.

Germania: Number eight is a tie between Spain and…

Spain: Who me? (shrugs) Well, at least I get to die with my Romano.

Romano: I'M NOT YOURS! (crosses arms and looks away annoyed) Go away you jerk.

Spain: Aw but Romano…

Romano: Maybe you wouldn't be dying if you still had benefits for your babies!

Spain: (frowns) But we had to cut back, you know that…

Germania: …and Poland.

Poland: (shrugs) yeah, whatever. I don't care. As long as I get my pink puppy-shaped purse from Ebay, I'll totally be happy.

Lithuania: You should be more concerned about this…

Poland: Not really, no. I told those girls, they have a choice…work or have babies.

Lithuania: Why not give them both?

Poland: Psssshhh…why should I do that? You can't have your cake and eat it too, Lit.

Lithuania: That's not...how it… (sigh) never mind…

Rome: OH MY GOD GERMANIA! There's no number seven! It's just "eight, six". Where's number seven?

Germania: We just did number seven. Those two were tied…they're both eight and seven.

Rome: OH! …I guess that makes sense. Okay! Six! Let's see…Austria!

Hungary: OH NO! Mr. Austria! I won't let you die! I won't!

Austria: (not really caring) If I die Moonlight Sonata had better be playing at my funeral.

Germania: Number five is…Japan.

Italy: Oh hey Japan! You're dying faster than I am!

Japan: (shocked) I know I am an old country, but I did not think that I would die…

Italy: You need to get your people to make bigger families too!

Rome: Number four is Germany. Oh hey! I know that guy!

Italy: WHAT? NO! GERMANY! NOT YOU TOO! (stands up and starts freaking out) We're all dying you guys! We're dying!

Germany: Calm down Italy. We won't actually die; our population can still be replenished by immigrants who will start families.

Japan: (quietly to self) Not in my country….

Germania: Number three is…Hungary.

Hungary: It doesn't matter! I must protect Austria! I will sacrifice myself for him!

Rome: (laughs) Lady, you're crazy! I like you. Now with the list, number two is…Portugal.

Spain: (looks around) He's not here.

Germania: And number one is – South Korea.

America: YOU MEAN IT ISN'T CANADA!

Canada: Why would you think it's me?

America: I dunno…you've got a tiny population.

Germany: (sighs) Not a single allied country on the list…this feels like a bad joke.

China: Maybe when Korea dies, I can take his land…China could use it.

S. Korea: Psssh…I'm not worried about it! Why should I? I invented dying! Of course I'm number one at it!

Rome: Well, there it is! The list! Now let's get some girls!

Germania: (sigh) You can…I'm not interested.

P'g: (comes out) Quickly, it's an intermission. Are you done? Good! Thanks for coming out everyone! Hope to see you in the next chapter…if there is one…who knows…now back to the hockey game!

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><p>A lot of the nations on this list have the same issue – woman are choosing careers over children and families are running into economic debt issues. Because most are delaying having a family, their families are often smaller.<p> 


	7. Most Dangerous Countries in the World

Top Ten Awards – Chapter Seven: Most Dangerous Countries to Visit

A/N: I wrote this right after the last one. 8 D Hazzah. Oh and the list is in relation to tourists.

Just a warning, but this chapter is EXTREMELY boring in my opinion. Probably because the topic hardly had any of our beloved characters in it.

Source: Travel Canada MSN and...I forgot to write down the study...argh.

* * *

><p>P'g: (Use your imagination as to what dress she's got on) Okay, we did the safest countries back in chapter two, so now let's explore the LEAST safest nations to visit. Here to give the list is "the awesome" Prussia.<p>

Prussia: YES YES YES! Here I am! This list will be the greatest list ever given because it is given by me, Ore-sama! The Awesome Prussia! Okay number ten: Austria. Number Nine: Austria. Number Eight: Austria. Number Seven…

Hungary: HEY! DO IT RIGHT! Austria's not dangerous at all!

Austria: There's no point arguing, Hungary. He's an uncouth simpleton. He'll never change.

P'g: (still there. Looks at watch) Okay, I've got ten minutes until the third period of the hockey game I'm watching in the back comes on so I'll help Prussia stay on course.

Prussia: WHAT? I don't need your help! I can do this by myself! I like being alone, it's fun!

P'g: Really?

Prussia: …Yeah…

P'g: You sure?

Prussia: …

P'g: So I guess I'll just go in the back then…

Prussia: (shrugs) Well if you insist on being with me then fine, you can stay.

P'g: Yeah…that's what I thought… (goes to podium to stand with Prussia). Would you like to start?

Prussia: I did…Austria.

P'g: (rolls eyes) Number ten…Egypt.

Egypt: …Hmmm…

Prussia: Okay so…number nine is…some guy named India.

P'g: Number eight is Indonesia.

Prussia: ARGH! I don't know that guy either! Why did you give me such a boring list? I'm too _wunderbar_ for this kind of list! I should be hosting "most awesome countries ever" list – with me as number one!

P'g: …Right…so number seven is…Israel.

Prussia: …

P'g: You don't have anything to say?

Prussia: Shut up…

P'g: Number six is…

Prussia: Hey! You did two in a row! It's my turn! Number six is…Kenya. That guy is fast!

P'g: Anything else you'd like to say?

Prussia: I always have something to say!

P'g: So…

Prussia: …number five is…Mexico! Now that country I know! Almost got him on our side in the war.

P'g: Which one?

Prussia: I dunno, the first one.

P'g: Oh the one where Canada kicked your butt.

Prussia: …number four is…

P'g: Now you're the one stealing turns.

Prussia: I'm so awesome I have the right to go three times in a row. Four is Panama.

P'g: Ah…but it sounds like a nice place. Colombia…not so much.

Prussia: Let's just finish this…ugh, so boring. (writes something on paper)

P'g: What did you just write?

Prussia: Nothing.

P'g: (grabs paper and reads it) Complain on blog later.

Prussia: …Number three…Peru.

P'g: But Machu Picchu seems like such an awesome place to visit.

Prussia: Then look it up on the internet. Number two…Philippines.

P'g: That sad…I know a fair amount of people from there. Do you know anyone from there, Prussia?

Prussia: …Number one…

P'g: You didn't answer my question, plus you keep going down the list. I get the last one. Number one…Russia?

(Suddenly everyone in the crowd cares)

Russia: What? Me?

Prussia: AH! Now we're getting somewhere! Yeah, Russia! Worst. Nation. Never.

Russia: (is sad) But I'm not dangerous. Why me?

P'g: Says here that most people don't have a problem but random "stop & searches" can get people in trouble if they're not carrying their passports. Also, Chechnya and North Caucasus should be avoided at all cost.

Prussia: Hey wait…this list…it keeps going!

P'g: What? (looks at the next page Prussia is holding) …You're…right…

Prussia: I'm not only right, I'm awesome.

Russia: So…I'm not number one? That brings me great relief.

P'g: Okay so…the nation more dangerous than Russia is…Thailand.

Prussia: TURKEY IS NUMBER ONE!

Turkey: WHAT? How am I number one? Greece is WAY more dangerous than me!

Greece: Hey…don't bring me into this.

Turkey: What do you mean don't bring you into this? You deserve it!

Greece: No, you're just being a jerk.

P'g: Oh dear God…this will be awhile.

Prussia: Yeah! Fight with each other! Fight, fight, fight!

Germany: Don't encourage violence!

Prussia: Hey, when did you get here, West?

Germany: We were all here, you could see us…this list was just…well…

Prussia: …

Germany: …

Prussia: …Yeah?

Germany: …Nothing. Never mind.

P'g: I think it's time to call it a day. Well folks, thanks for sticking with this disorientated "fanfiction". I suppose that as long as there are lists and as long as I continue to remember to put this all together then the show will go on.


	8. Best Bars or Pubs

Top Ten Awards – Chapter Eight: Best Drinking Establishments in the World

A/N: XD For realz yo! Some countries are repeated on this list more than once…but there was enough diversity to actually do this list. This particular countdown arrangement wasn't an actual study, but someone's personal opinion…but still, it's fun.

A/N2: I'm not sure about your head cannon, but in mine North Ireland and the Republic of Ireland are twins and are both male. They've got scruffy black hair and the same green eyes England has. I should note right here that there IS NO official character for either North Ireland or Republic Ireland so please don't leave me messages saying "Ireland is a girl" or "Ireland has red hair" because those are likely someone's fan interpretation you're mistaking for being official. I CAN confirm that I've heard that Hima wanted to make Republic Ireland a girl but it hasn't been done yet nor is it likely when you consider that Ireland was once one nation (not split like it is now) and England has stated that he only has brothers.

Source: MSN Travel Canada and Readers Digest (list by Jennifer Goldberg).

* * *

><p>P'g: Well! The last list was rather boring so let's find something more exciting! Here to countdown the swankiest places to grab a drink are the Ireland twins!<p>

(North Ireland and Republic Ireland – both male, black haired with green eyes, come tumbling in each with a pint of Guinness in hand. From now on they will be N. Ireland for North Ireland and R. Ireland for Republic of Ireland.)

N. Ireland: (At podium) Oi! We be finally gettin' some attention!

R. Ireland: (also now at podium) Of course! If it wasn't for that damn brother of ours we'd be gettin' more!

England: (in his seat in the auditorium) Oh god…why would anyone invite these two here…ugh…especially when they're drunk.

Both Irelands: WE'RE NOT DRUNK!

England: YOU'RE ALWAYS DRUNK!

N. Ireland: (frowns) touché.

R. Ireland: (bonks his brother on the head) You idiot, you just confirmed what he said about us!

N. Ireland: Naa-ahn! I was being cultured!

R. Ireland: (sighs) Dear Lord…

N. Ireland: As long as it's not your Lord…

R. Ireland: We used to have the same Lord, then you got stupid and –

England: GET ON WITH THE DAMN LIST!

N. Ireland: Why don't you start Ireland?

R. Ireland: No, no, you start Ireland, I insist.

N. Ireland: Oh, but you enjoy going first, Ireland.

R. Ireland: Yes, well maybe you'd like to go first this time, Ireland.

England: WOULD SOMEONE GO? BLOODY HELL!

France: (sighs) Geez Angleterre, don't have a heart attack.

N. Ireland: Well alright, I suppose I can start then. After all, the fast we get done…

Both Irelands: THE FASTER WE CAN DISCO!

N. Ireland: So…the first country on this countdown is Japan and his Gekkeikan Sake Museum!

R. Ireland: Says on the research paper that it's in Kyoto and was established in 1637.

N. Ireland: Gosh, that's old, Ireland!

R. Ireland: Not as old as England's face!

Both Irelands: (erupt into hysterical laughter)

England: ARGH! GODDAMN ARSEHOLES!

N. Ireland: Relax little brother, it's only a joke.

England: (glares) Naff off, the both of you.

R. Ireland: (sounding rather serious) I apologize for my brother's rudeness. Number nine is the Weihenstephen Brewery in Germany.

(England hardly being heard in the background: What? MY rudeness?)

Italy: OH YAY! I knew Germany made good beer! Oh, but why aren't you number one?

Germany: Because Italy, this list isn't "best beer countries" it's just a list of the best bars to go drinking at.

Italy: OH YAY! So I can be on here too! Ooh, I hope so! Don't you hope so Germany? Maybe I'm next! Wouldn't that be cool! I'd be Japan, you, me! All in a row (continues on like this)…

Germany: Ugh…(sigh)

N. Ireland: Number eight on the list is…Moet et Chandon, France!

Italy: (is not sad) Aw…it wasn't me. (Begins to cry) Why isn't me, Germany? I don't want to be separated from you and Japan!

Germany: I don't know, maybe because you don't have any good bars.

Italy: (sniffling) But I do…at least I'm sure I do! I can try harder! I'll try harder!

Germany: (sigh) it's just a flimsy list…nothing to get upset over…

France: Why are you not happy for me, Italy?

Italy: Oh…I'm sorry big brother France I just…wanted to be beside Germany. We were having so much fun!

Germany: …we…?

France: Well, I'm just disappointed I'm on the list so early; I figured I would be number one. After all, what better country is there to drink champagne in then France?

America: Yo-ho-ho, dude! We make the bubbly in America too!

France: NON! It is illegal to call it champagne if it does not come from France!*

R. Ireland: Yeah…so getting back to the list…number seven is France again and his Distillerie Les Fils D'Emile Pernot.

America: I don't know what the hell that means…Canada, what does that mean?

Canada: Distillery of the daughters of Emile Pernot.

America: (frowns) That's not a very imaginative name…

France: Sometimes plainness is beautiful. Besides (snickers) this is England's favourite out-of-town bar.

England: (blushes) What! No! W-w-what on earth would have you thinking that, you frog?

France: Because of a fancy hallucinatory drink called "The Green Fairy".

England: You're an ass, France! Flying Mint Bunny is real! Just because you can't see her doesn't mean she isn't there!

Germany: So I see France has reduced himself to selling illegal drinks.

France: absinthe isn't illegal anymore you stupid Hun! (Nods) They say it could have healing powers.

N. Ireland: Right…so moving on…number six is El Floridita in Cuba.

Cuba: (wakes up) Did someone call me? Did I win something?

Canada: (smiles) You're number six on our list of best bars.

Cuba: Oh yeah! Of course I'd be on that list.

America: Hey, buddy! Your bar stole my State's name!

Canada: (frowns) Just because it's similar doesn't mean he stole it.

America: He sure as hell did!

Cuba: What? What wanna fight about "signor?"

America: Yeah I AM your senior so listen up!

Canada: This is really unnecessary, you guys.

America: Stealing my State's name was unnecessary!

China: You guys are so loud! Shut up! China does not want to listen to all of you fight! I am going outside because I don't care about these stupid lists.

Russia: (calm smile) I like watching all the arguments that break out. Fuhuu.

Germany: Hurry up and finish the list before there's more fighting.

R. Ireland: Right, number five should put America in a better mood because it's his Pete's Tavern in New York.

America: YAY PETEY! What a great guy he was…I remember when he first opened it in 18…something.

R. Ireland: Says 1864.

America: (laughs) Right! I knew it was the 60's… (Shifty eyes) of course I did…

N. Ireland: And number five belongs to his neighbour, Canada and his Trapper John's bar in Newfoundland.

Canada: (nods but looks awfully confused) Ah Newfoundland…I figured it'd be Toronto if anywhere…then again, Newfoundland DOES have the classic "British pub" feel.

R. Ireland: (reads the research paper) A-hahaha! I like your style Canada! Says here visitors are welcomed, giving a shot of your famous "Screech" rum and have to kiss a cod on the mouth! Good stuff!

Canada: (sighs) That's not me…that's just Newfoundland. It's a world of its own.

America: (laughs) XD I like Newfoundland. Good guy.*

N. Ireland: And…we're back to America again.

R. Ireland: Hey! It's my turn…(more quietly) you damn Protestant…

N. Ireland: Then hurry up! (Quietly) you damn Catholic…

R. Ireland: Right, so we're back to America again and his establishment The Campbell Apartment; also in New York.

America: Hahaha! Lots of great bars here in America! This one is just off the Grand Central Terminal. It was my favourite place to go after taking the train back in the 1920s.

N. Ireland: Well number two is no surprise.

R. Ireland: Actually it's quite a surprise, it should be number one!

N. Ireland: The only reason it's not number one is because it's on YOUR side.

R. Ireland: Don't be daft! Being on my side makes it better!

Germany: Argh…what the hell is it?

England: (sighs) The Guinness Bar in Dublin…it's rather obvious, actually.

R. Ireland: Our giant glass – which can hold up to 14.3 million pints of Guinness – had the 9,000 year lease for the brewery molded into it!

Italy: WOW! That's a long time!

Spain: (making his only appearance in this chapter) So I guess that means if the business sinks you take the hit…can't sell it anyone.

R. Ireland: We also have a gravity bar at the Storehouse where you can see the city at every point and you can take lessons on how to pour a pint!

N. Ireland: Alright, alright, quite yer braggin'! The number one position goes to…The Skybar in Dubai.

(Everyone blinks)

R. Ireland: …What?

N. Ireland: Yes sir, says here it sits 200 metres above the sea in a luxurious hotel. You have to spend a minimum of about $114 dollars per guest!

R. Ireland: Well geez…That's kind of an awkward place to end on.

England: (sigh) Not even one…

Italy: Cheer up, England! I didn't get on the list either!

England: (looks at Italy, pauses, sighs again)

P'g: Well that's all she wrote on this list! Hope you'll join us for another chapter some day in the future! Until then…

* * *

><p>End Note: When France said it was illegal for America to claim he made "champagne" he wasn't kidding. It really IS against international law to call sparkling wine <em>champagne<em> if it doesn't come from the Champagne Region of France. Luckily, America saved himself from a lawsuit by calling the liquid substance "bubbly" instead.

End Note 2: Yes, America and Newfoundland actually DO have a good relationship. Newfoundland, before joining with Canada after WWII, actually considered a third option (in addition to joining Canada or becoming an independent nation) to join the United States. After major pressure from Canada the third "American" option was taken off the table but, luckily for Canada, America had never had an interest in acquiring Newfoundland in the first place.


End file.
